two saturdays ago, we went up to park city to ride the zip-line. both camden and i were so excited and it was something we had both wanted to do together for a while.
as we were driving up the canyon we noticed it started to get slightly windy and dark clouds started to roll in over the mountains. i hadn't even thought about bringing a jacket since it was an unbearable 100 degrees in the city and the weather channel app said nothing about rain (oh weather channel app, why must you say these things?). when we got to the resort where we would zip-line down the mountain, it was only slightly drizzling and the lady who sold us our tickets said we would be fine as long as the skies stayed lightening free and the rain stayed occasionally dripping from the clouds above.
as we rode the slow moving lift up the grassy slopes, i found myself getting goose bumps for the first time outside this summer. it was sort of nice actually, to be cold. i had forgotten a bit what it felt like.
once at the top, we waited in line and for the first time read the requirements for riding the zip-line. camden and i both met all of them and we waited our turn to fly down the mountain together, with nothing but a harness and cord keeping us there. my confidence in being able to do this was a bit shocking to me. i'm usually afraid of heights but for some reason i only felt excited and no ounce of fear at all, even though a little doodle on the railing to the side of me read: no turning back now.
finally it was our turn and we walked up to the little platforms to be strapped in. suddenly the lady stopped fastening by straps and turned to me and said "how much do you weigh?". i told her and she looked at me stunned. it was only ten minutes ago we stood in line reading all the requirements feeling relieved we both met them all. she suddenly asked why they let me up here then. i told her i didn't understand, the sign right there said i was more than fine to go. she then said because of the wind they had raised the weight requirements by twenty-five pounds and i no longer met them. as she radioed down to the bottom she filled the back of my harness with weights and i thought for sure they would let me go. after a few minutes of listening to them radio back and forth in code, she told me she was sorry but they couldn't let me go. i was so bummed. camden, being the nice husband he is, decided to get out of his harness as well and not ride the zip line without me, though i would have been fine if he had. as we walked back through the line we had just waited in, i noticed a bunch of girls snickering. as we passed one of them giggled under her breath "so who's the hipster now?" i was confused and shocked. was she talking to me? she had to have been but i didn't get it. had she thought i had chickened out? once past the line i turned to camden and asked if he had heard the comment i just had. he said no and when i told him what she had said, he wanted to go back and give them a piece of his mind. i love him for that.
the comment put me in a sort of funk for the next hour or so. i was shocked someone would say that out loud to my face. she had no idea why we didn't end up riding down and was judging me on my appearance and what she thought that meant. i have never thought of myself as a "hipster" and if that is what i am, what did it matter anyway? - and even if i were scared what did my personal style have anything to do with my fears and likes? i wear what i wear because i like it. because although i have grown and my tastes in clothing have changed slightly, this has always been pretty much the style i have been drawn to and the look of clothes i choose to put on my back.
after a bit i cooled down and we were able to enjoy the rest of our night. it still had me thinking though, not so much about what she had said to me but more about how i tend to judge others on their appearances at first glance, maybe not saying it out loud but thinking it nonetheless. i see someone dressed a certain way and suddenly i think i know what they must be like. this made me no better than the girl who had decided to speak her thought out loud. i suddenly decided from now on i would try and filter my thoughts when i started to judge someone on what they looked like, good or bad. i think to some point our brains have learned to think these thoughts automatically. we see someone and without thinking, file them into a certain category in our minds, and this is exactly the pattern i want to break. i want to try and leave theses files open a little longer. train my brain to be able to not pre-judge someone i don't know, to be able to look at them with open eyes, realizing that i have no idea who they are or what they are like. yes, that girl had no idea who i was or the situation at hand, but i knew me and knew her judgement of me was wrong so i shouldn't let it bother me anyway.
driving back down the mountain, watching the the sun slowly set, i was no longer angry and felt relieved i didn't have to be. i no longer would be bogged down about others opinions of me. as long as i know myself and like myself, that should be all that matters.